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Tag Archives: serious bullshit

My only issue with putting my pictures online is I don’t know if I’m having any actual effect on it(the world). Let’s just put down “inspiring people” as one of the reasons why I love photography. I feel like I’ve been taking less and less photos that have the potential to “speak” to people and I end up taking more and more hackneyed, tired looking photos. I don’t know what will take me out of this slump of mine. Maybe a change of scenery is in order. You never really know with me.

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I’m really glad I’ve got my friends. It makes me happy to know I’ve got REAL friend who’ve got my back. This week, I’ve realized how important they are to me. They’re probably the only reason OTHER than my family that I’m still alive now. I believe that I’ve gained more friends in the past two years than I have in the previous 20. I honestly can’t say that I’m an easy person to get along with. I’m difficult to understand at my best and impossible to decipher or tolerate at my worst. I admit that, the proof is in the pudding.

These friends of mine TRY to understand me. THAT is ALL I need. I know it sounds simple but I’m a shallow sonuvabitch. I’m SO shallow that I’ve gained more friends in the past two years than I can fit on my outer extremities, so yeah, MORE THAN TWENTY. Seeing as that I’ve never gotten that many in such a short time, I think this is something that I can be proud of.

Neither am I the easiest person to look up to. I’m not altruistic, almost downright greedy at times. I’m not in any way compassionate. I’m not “nice” in the simplest sense of the word. I’m abrasive, crass, downright crude at times and I wouldn’t shirk at throwing a curveball at you for my own amusement. I love my friends because they really see past that. I admit that I tend to show them flashes of another me, a me that most people think is a nice guy.

Who do I regard as friends? I’ve got lists. There are the Shak/Fortress bois, some Rushers, some radio personalities I’ve gotten close to and some photographers/lawyers/doctors/etc… I’ve met along the way.

The Shak/Fortress bois are the people who I truly feel part of, a merry band of guys who get into adventures and misadventures on a weekly basis. I admit that we’re a much looser coalition than you would think but I’m MORE than proud to call myself a part of this group. Our geeky discussions are lively, and would best be described as “intelligent conversations about the dumbest things”. I mean, who else would discuss their palns for the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE(you don’t believe me, then I’ll leave you behind) or who among their friends they would eat first. NO, this isn’t some facebook quiz boyos, these are the discussion we get into when we’re NOT drunk. These are the guys I also learn the most from, it’s no surprise seeing as that these guys are all engineers, doctors, lawyers. Oh, and did I mention the teasing? DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT say, do, or even ALLUDE to anything that may have the slightest possible chance to embarrass you. I am not kidding, we will pick it up and you will regret it for the rest of your life, or the next few months at least.

Rushers are a diverse group of people but deep in our core we’re all the same. Some are younger than me, some are older than me. Some are straight, some are gay, some I don’t know, some I don’t care. All I really care about when you tell me you’re a rusher is that you listen to and love the Morning Rush. No bones about it, that’s it. Sure there are some rushers I don’t really like, but yeah, the rushers as a group are REALLY cohesive. It’s actually kind of scary at times, especially for someone who kind of shuns human contact at times but I think I may have scared them as well. Silly me.

Radio personalities, where do I begin? These are the people I listen to to and who keep me sane throughout the week. I know I can vent to them and I’ll get a balanced view instead of a jackass answer or an answer that’s based on what I WANT to hear. These people have my respect(all of them) and my admiration(some of them). I may not agree with how some show that they care about you or are cool with you but it’s all good.

Okay, I had a talk with some friends over tapas and stuff over at Kusina Teatro the other day and the conversation went over to a common friend of ours with an illogical LOMO obsession. Not of LOMO the camera, that’s all the way acceptable but of LOMO the “artform”. Thing is, the stuff he does with the camera is in no way artistic. Sure, he uses the cooler LSI cameras like the all-weather supersampler and the Fisheye 2 but he doesn’t go out of his way to actually CREATE something. He uses the LSI cameras like an everyday camera, like a digicam, it’s like he expects the camera to do all the heavy lifting. That’s not how it goes with cameras. The image comes from the mind’s eye. Not from just taking shots over and over again. I ADMIT that it works sometimes but ultimately it’s the photographer/lomographer who makes the photos.

The gist of the comments were simply that I may be using a digital camera but I can create artistic images because I know how to do it. I can get even more creative with my own LSI cameras(all Holgas) because I really go out of my way when it comes to my craft. It doesn’t matter whatever camera you’ve got, you have know about how to make what you have in your imagination a reality.

The best camera in the world in the hands of a sucky photographer will produce sucky photographs. Any sucky camera(even a cameraphone) will still rock in the hands of a master.

Let it go.

Let it all go.

I just did something tonight that I’m not proud of.
Let’s just say my mental problems have finally caught up with me.

And my laptop didn’t survive.

Hopefully I can keep blogging. I know it’ll be hard though.
Wish me luck, I’ll need it.

I’ve been bemoaning my lot in life when it comes to photography the past few years.

Being stuck at home alot was honestly depressing. So was being stuck in a job I didn’t REALLY like. I felt that this was putting a clamp on my growth as a photographer.

So yesterday, being stuck at home with all the rain and stuff, instead of complaining, I buckled down and COMMITTED to creating a good photo. I wasn’t going for great or anything. I just wanted to pour all of my emotion and whatever into a photo. The end result was one of the best photos I’ve ever made.

So yeah, next time you feel like complaining, why don’t you try to do something with it instead of huffing about. You might be surprised.

And no, I haven’t gotten it. I haven’t been getting the impetus to go beyond my normal “less than 500 word” blog entries. It’s frustrating that there are so many things in my head but I find it so hard to let them out in a coherent manner like writing.

Right now my brain is a mash of flying ideas and random emotions. It’s a very uncomfortable time right now when I’m uncomfortable even around people who I’ve known for AT LEAST 7 years. I’m tired alot so I’m probably in a low point/valley of my “bi-polar-ness”. I don’t really understand why I’m feeling like this or what triggered it. I guess the family situation has finally gotten to me.

I’ve also found a sort of comfortable niche in my photography. I’ve always wanted to take photos of people and I really like the energy of music so I’ve been looking forward to gigs and concerts to take photos of. I’m not that good at it yet as my framing and certain issues have been popping up BUT I’m getting somewhere.

If you’re a photographer and you want to get better, go over to www.kenrockwell.com and read up. REALLY read up. He makes sense. Admittedly, I don’t agree with some of his points BUT he knows his shit. Don’t be caught up in your preconceptions, READ. Then go and make your own way. That’s what I did.

Okay, here’s something I’ve been thinking of doing with friends. A photo-safari somewhere, ANYWHERE. I don’t really care anymore. I want to have fun with friends and photography again. I may actually pop out the film camera and some of the treasured VELVIA 50s I’ve been keeping in stock for this safari. Which reminds me, it’s time to go buy some film. I hear fuji megamall just got some new stock.

I’m glad that the LSI camera I started on, a HOLGA 120CFN, was one of the “serious” Lomographic cameras. This is entirely my opinion but you can’t go around expecting the camera to do all the work for you. The artsy side of Lomo(which is what alot of people don’t REALLY get) is that you create the image in your mind’s eye, you don’t just go snapping up every single thing you see praying to get something good. That sometimes works, admittedly, but put in a bit of effort man! You have to set up the multiple exposures to actually make them MEAN SOMETHING. This is the same reason why some people with digital cameras infuriate me. They keep shooting, hoping for a good shot that they can post. Why don’t they MAKE a good shot so they can post it?

Now, let me tell you about my newest sourceS, PLURAL, of camera lust.
I’ve been wanting for an OLYMPUS 35RC for a long time now, and now that I have the money to get one, I can’t find one conveniently available. Can anyone help me? PLEASE!
I’ve also found a Nikon FG camera with a 50mm f/1.8 that’s very reasonably priced. Great find, but now I have to get more funds. This is a situation I normally have a hard time handling. Hehe.

So there, I finally have the long entry I was looking for with the needed RANTAGE and RAVE-AGE to get my emotions out. Yay for me!

I want to buy Absolute Sandman #s 1-4.
And I’ll soon need a 16GB SD card.
And a camera bean bag.
And an achromatic close up lens.

Dang it. I wish I were rich.

Okay, this one of those days I tend to enjoy. I finally got around to upgrading my freeware and it’s always a nice feeling. Going from AVG 7.5 to 8.5 is a great way to go and finally having CCleaner in my computer again is boss.

I normally schedule these “upgrades” for the 20th of the last month of each quarter but I had nothing to do today so I just went and did it.

Do you guys know any other freeware downloads I should look into? I’m not that well versed in the new stuff. I just need antivirus and nothing much else really.

Edit: Oh yeah, I just shaved off 5Gb from my really small hard drive. Loving it!

I want to learn how to write comic book scripts.

Honestly, it is something I want to learn. The ultimate ambition being to have a chance to write a one shot Batman/Joker special. Not something I want to post for two reasons. ONE, I ain’t that good yet. TWO, I don’t want anybody copying it up. LOL!

This is going to have to take a backseat though. Not forever, but still, I can only wish. I have to get better first. REALLY REALLY better. I have responsibilities to do.

At least I’m putting it on the back seat for a good reason. Which of YOUR ambitions had to go by the wayside and it was out of your control?

They say hate is such a strong word. That it requires the full commitment of anyone who chooses to do so. That its totality will consume you AND the person you hate.

I started late. I was well into my teens. I started hating on bullies in my school. Thing is, retreating into myself also caused my emotions to atrophy and I lost the hatred.

I only regained the hatred when it became a family thing. I don’t want to talk about it. Now I’m inured to the pain. I ignore more than anything. I shun contact. The whole bit. I stopped hating too, but now it’s like she never existed.

So, how early did you start? How young were you when you first learned to hate? TRULY hate?