I admit to fear

It’s been 5 years since I was last in a stable relationship.

You tend to miss the companionship, feeling alone is what gets to you.
You get fat. Finding the emptiness inside, you try to fill it with other things.
You try to find someone new, but they’re not the solution.

Make sure you’re fixed inside before you try to go be with someone.

No one wants damaged goods.
No one DESERVES damaged goods.

I’m damaged goods. This is why I’m afraid.
This is why I’ve not been actively going after people.

Sure, I still try sometimes but once shit hits the fan it’s all too easy to just pack up and leave.
Nobody deserves that.

Token support

What have I got against token support via Twitter?

Okay, EVERYONE who isn’t under a ROCK(or doesn’t have internet or CNN/News access) knows about the craziness in Iran. I have no problem with people showing their support. I have something against people who show support in a way that is screaming for attention. Token support is fine by me, that’s pretty much all I’ve done anyway. Token support as a choice is fine, you give what you can. I’m good with all the people who’ve added a green ribbon or overlay to their avvies, they’re showing support, it’s all they CAN do. But maybe they could do a little bit more.

But like I said, maybe that’s all they CAN do. Add a green overlay or a green ribbon or maybe even an ostentatious wallpaper screaming their support, I don’t judge. What is this “more” that I’m asking for? Maybe re-tweeting about unblocked, unmonitored IP addresses. Maybe changing their location to Tehran and their timezone to GMT +3:30(Tehran) ‘coz it supposedly confuses the Iranians who are trawling(not trolling) Twitter for “insurgents”. I don’t know. It takes ONE CLICK to add the ribbon or the overlay, it takes 3 to change your timezone and 7 to change your location to Tehran and complete the process so 10 clicks in all. I don’t think it’s THAT much of a difference. I also don’t think that doing that makes that much of a difference in the end but heck, I’m willing to take a chance with that, I just happen to think the green will kinda tip them off you know?

What type of guy am I?

I’m the type of guy who would:

Wander off during dinner to take random photos.
Take bits and pieces of philosophies(some that contradict each other) and mash them up as my own view on life.
Overthink.
Obsess.
Be objective about you until you get on my nerves.
Invite an irritating person over to the house.
Feel strongly about letting someone else take my seat on the MRT(almost forcing them in some cases).
Write.
Listen.
Wear a jacket to a movie(even if I rarely feel cold), in case my date needs it.
Rush over to her house if she calls me crying.
Look at both sides of the argument.
Not judge, until you’ve proven me wrong.

I’m all of these and more.

What about you? What type of person are you?

Loving my new theme

Alrighty, new theme and it’s a nice one to go into. Really classy looking and with a bit of character to it. So, why did I need to change since my older theme was actually the same, minimalistic, a bit dark and really clean?

The decision had more of a technical reason than a design reason behind it. Sometimes I had this feeling of disconnect while reading my own blog simply because I did not remember the time I wrote certain entries. I wanted to avoid that feeling with some of the people who read my blog. Especially the entries that are insomnia powered and really out there.

I actually took a while to find a theme I liked. There were alot of minimalist themes that had the time specified but I found them too bare. I also didn’t like other themes because I felt that I would end up underutilizing the options I had.

So, is YOUR theme the best for your blog? Maybe it could be better?

Light and Shadow

Yet another repost from my multiply blog. One of those REALLY late nights.

Funny that the fundamental existence of both light and shadow are interdependent. As soon as there was light there was shadow and as soon as shadow existed there was light to break it. What am I therefore, the light or the shadow? Do i cast my light and create the shadow or does my shadow bring everything to light? Simplistic yet true? Fundamental truths are one thing, self-sufficient. So i ask myself again, am I the light from the fore or the shadow in the rear?

I live as the shadow that others may be the light. I do not bring hope but rather solidify it. I am the dark cloud that the silver lining surrounds and brings beauty to.

And to all those who have met me, I am the shadow, always watching, and always there when you need me.

I’m addicted to Mousehunt

Yes I am. LOL. I am admittedly going crazy over the planning aspect of mousehunt since I’m the de facto leader of my merry little band of three hunters. What I’m advocating though is that since we are playing a continuing game then we should act as such and plan at least 2-3 steps ahead of our current position. Interesting though that this philosophy works just as well in real life. Yay me.

What in-game philosphies have you had creep into real life and vice versa?

Killing the funky duck

I’m kinda ok right now. I’ve struck a pretty simple balance between the life I want and the life I have. I’m in no hurry and I guess that’s the best way to look at it, BUT I shouldn’t waste the chances when they pass through. I’m thankful for everything I have but not content enough to lie pat. I’m happy with the friends I have but I should try new things and meet new people too.

I should kill the inability to wonder and have that feeling of wonder I seem to have gained. I hate being jaded and being overly protective of my comfort zone because it’s been stepping OUT of my comfort zone that’s brought me where I am now, at an interesting crossroads of a life that’s been lived and a life that has everything in front of it.

Once again

I was awakened at around midnight AGAIN. Ah, PHAIL. I’m so pissed and tired right now I don’t even want to get up but I have to because I have to process the payroll for a bunch of ingrates who only give a shit about money they didn’t really work for, assholes who value “pakikisama” but don’t value LOYALTY. Ah well, guess what? If you’re prepared to bite the hand that fed you then you better be prepared for that same hand to strangle you to death.

Let sleeping fat people lie

Ah well, I am a member of the family of PHAIL.

I swear, let the guy with insomnia sleep. It seems that whenever I get to sleep early something happens that I need to wake up and do some form of physical exertion that will WAKE ME UP and send me on a downward spiral of restlessness. It never fails. Just tonight I was awakened by my older sister(who by the way, does not live with us anymore) because they came to change cars and she wanted a package deal of getting some of her stuff from the guest room. So when she calls at 12 midnight who does the call get shunted to(even though the one who answered was my older brother)? Yup, me. That’s not even the end of it. Minutes into her “visit” who would happen to call but my dad asking me to be ready for their arrival. Ah, you see where this is going, I guess? So here I am, FULLY awake and pissed. I truly wish that SOMEDAY they understand what happens when they wake me up. I’m not being demanding, I just want them to understand that this religious thing of theirs is THEIR choice, please don’t try to make your devotion detrimental(inadvertent as it may be) to the other members of your family who actually need sleep a little bit more because they barely get any sleep to begin with.

I make my own luck

Some people think I’m immensely lucky to be given chance, after chance, after chance. I’m not saying that I’m not lucky in the usual sense of the word but that I find my luck in an offbeat manner. I find luck not only by using the law of attraction that people read about in the secret but also by being prepared to fail. But won’t preparing to fail also attract failure?

Okay, let me explain that. What do I gain from preparing for failure? I gain knowledge of it, I gain the simple knowledge of what failure means in that situation. That sounds kind of off, doesn’t it? Well, yeah, it is. But this is MY shtick, so don’t knock it. The whole The Secret, law of attraction thing is great, I like how it makes people confident. But the more I read it the more I see how it does not prepare for one of life’s eventualities, FAILURE. EVERYONE fails, don’t say you haven’t. DON’T LIE.

Okay, so failure is a part of the package of trying. The important part is not to be overawed by it. Prepare so that you are not devastated by it. Prepare so you are ready to stand up after the failure. Don’t be afraid of failure, but don’t ignore it either.

So why does this make me lucky? I always take chances whenever the failure is something I can manage. Why wouldn’t I just go on and do something if I’m going to be alright with the consequences of failure? Case in point, why won’t you come up to a celebrity and ask(respectfully, of course) for their autograph or a photo with them? You’ll probably never see them again if they say no. So take that chance, just be aware.